My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
