Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
