MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
