don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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