I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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