just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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