Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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