Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
