so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
