My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
