I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
