went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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