Will you blow on my dice?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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