I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
