I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
