I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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