sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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