"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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