Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
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"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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