my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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