Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
