Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
