i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
