Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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