I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
