The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
did you just send me my own nude
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need water and some morals
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
