I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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