am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
