went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
