I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
