You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
