I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
