Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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