I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
