I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
