i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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