Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just high enough for therapy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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