I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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