why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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