Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
