Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
