I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Holy sore nipples Batman
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
