yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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