i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
