Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
