you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
