i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
