Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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