She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
