i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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