Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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