I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I could make wine with my vomit
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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