can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
