Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
