i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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