i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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