Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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