hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
