My cat gives me a boner
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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