Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
