I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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