After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
