just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
