So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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