I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
