Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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