Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just cropdusted the office
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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