My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Randomize
