My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
