I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
