I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
