they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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