He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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