I am spending my child support on dildos
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
