I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
