He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
