I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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