I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
