i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
