I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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